An expansion on your regret of destroying your past happiness: You wanting to get back to the norm that is so long gone. She’s fine without you, and you’re fine without her. I know things are hard, but you’ve got to realize that there are times that are going to be hard, which is just part of life. You’ve repeated this to yourself over and over, obviously without effect. I know that life makes you upset sometimes, and it’s kind of weird writing reassuring things to yourself, but in the end, you’ll be you, and other people will be themselves, which is all you can ask. We all have times in our life when things don’t work out, and as for your life, you can be something more than what you type down on a page, or what you think to yourself. There’s love out there, and what you need to do is find that person who will love you. This isn’t something you can do typing from your computer, no matter what your romantic inclinations, so get out there and do something. There are women for you, no matter what the complications that may arise in your life. Just remember that loving yourself is the first step, and you definitely need to focus on that. Things have fallen by the wayside, which is understandable, but not excusable. Get fit. Get a girl. Get out and experience those things that only a young person (and yes, that includes you) can do. Love life, love yourself, and learn to love others, even though their mistakes and negative aspects can make you hate, because those parts that you love can be so much more powerful than the aspects you hate. I know this is starting to sound all romantic, but maybe what you need at this point is some romanticism. Look at the world through rose colored lenses, because everything is better than it seems, even if it’s hard to believe at the time. Look at all you’ve accomplished this day, because tomorrow is going to fall under the same jurisdiction, and you’ve got to go through it again. The present is harder than the past, and more understandable than the future.
The difficulty arises from the challenges you’ve come across and need to hurdle, making everything in the moment seem like and endless climb to something distant, even though you know you can reach the goal in just a short amount of time. The moment of inspiration has passed, sorry brother. Keep up your spirits, because that’s what will keep you going, and what will keep you from doing things you regret. Stop thinking about talking to those you’ve had a relationship, however so small, because they’re in the past and the future is what you need to look forward to. Love you man. Remember that above all else, I love you. Me. Whatever is most appropriate. We are one person, one personality, and no matter how often you think your drunken self is separate from your sober self, I am the same person, and nothing will change that. Drunkenness is no excuse for acting like you aren’t you, and it’s no reason to let your inhibitions go. Remember that everything is the same no matter the time of day, nor the situation you find yourself in, so keep your head up and remember your manners you animal.
The future can sometimes be just as terrifying as the present, because the unknowns of what may come can trick you into believing that you’re overwhelmed, when everything has yet to happen. The reason that it is the future is because it is ahead of you, no matter how ridiculous or cliché that may sound, that is the truth. Preparation can assist you in dealing with those challenges you may need to overcome, but truthfully, everything can impact you harder than can be anticipated, which is fine. There are times that you will be stressed, and there are times that will be more relaxed. These times that you are experiencing now may not be an instance of relaxation, but that’s not something to worry about, because you know there will be times in your life where you can let loose, which is okay. Relaxation is never wrong, so long as you are taking care of your responsibilities, no matter how large they may be. Love the moments that are and take care to remember those moments for the future, so as to take advantage of the temporary times that are your own moment.
My final thoughts on this tirade of writing? I’ve got a good point, ill-spoken, or wrongfully worded may it be, I understand what the limitations are to what is and is not socially acceptable, which means never acceptable no matter what stipulations I put on it. Be someone who lives for the tomorrow which may be, rather than the past which will never be. Again, love yourself, no matter what crazy shit may come your way. Be the person you want to see tomorrow, rather than the person who was happy before, because focusing on your happiness from days, weeks, months, or years past will only lead you to a grave that is already filled over with the may-have-beens.
Maker's observations 